Tedious Tonya

te·di·ous

ˈtēdēəs/

adjective

1.                              too long, slow, or dull: tiresome or monotonous.

"a tedious journey"

synonyms:

boring, dull, monotonous, repetitive, unrelieved, unvaried, uneventful

1.                               

I titled this post “Tedious Tonya”, because I sometimes feel like my life is very monotonous, very dull. Most of the time, I am totally fine with it, and I even like it. I’d much rather have a boring like than a life filled with drama. BUT, there are times where I wonder if I am really “living” life or I am just existing and going through the motions. I think the answer is….sometimes both are true. I sit and think about what I might feel like I am “missing out on”. I don’t really have much desire to travel, as I am a homebody. Are there any places I would love to go? If I had to pick a dream vacation, it would be to Ireland or Italy, but I don’t have a burning desire to make it happen or anything. I don’t want to go skydiving or go on any crazy adventures. I am totally happy curled up in bed, watching Netflix, and crocheting a scarf. I really think a lot of my issue is my chronic pain. I am in pain almost 24/7, and it really starts to wear you down mentally. It’s hard to find joy in life, when you have a cloud of pain, so to speak, hanging over your head. Most days I feel very “meh”. I can recall a time when I was funny, witty, and enjoyed life (even when it was tedious).

I’d like to find that Tonya again.